{{links}}
i want a large shark sticking out of my roof. next time someone on my street bitches about the colour of my fence, or a balloon hanging in the tree. i'm sticking one of these things in the top. or maybe i'll just stick a huge dick on my lawn. haven't decided yet.
could ann coulter come off as any more of a stupid nazi bitch?
didn't think so.
(stolen from metafilter)
(thu. sept.13. 1:32pm) nothing yet... yay.
you can donate to the national disaster relief fund through paypal or amazon.
ok, i'm sure of it now: i don't understand people.
ok. i went to the mall to stop myself from checking the news every three seconds. it was nice until i walked past a packed radioshack, filled with people watching kabul, afghanistan have the shit bombed out of it.
i bet my mouse movment mean i'm crazy
usualy i shove it off to the side while reading, but i also obsessively highlight sections of text and click on nothing.
this is funny. i know lots of people died, i shouldn't laugh, but someone mentioning a terrorist attack along with aaliyah cracks me up.
also, take a look at these i found them on fark this morning. if you are in nyc or washington then most blood banks are open late tonight. it doesn't take long and they really need it. if you are in canada or other parts of the us try to make a stop at a blood bank within the next few days. at the moment they can't get the blood out by air (obviously) and there are crazy lines, so it is best to do it later this week.
god, being bush has really got to suck right now.my uncle was going from boston to nyc sometime this week, but i don't think it was today. i don't know. my mom sent an email. blah.
oh my fucking god.
seriously. i am just... i can't talk. mary called and my mom went silent so i went to cnn. fuck. my uncle is going to be ok. i'm pretty sure he cancled his flight. *crosses fingers* anyway, no planes are going anymore. i'm so fucking happy i didn't go to boston this week.
kids cause earthquake
ok, so i got it from blogdex so most of you have probably already seen it. still, it was just too cool not to mention.
olsen twins go mystic
some people just shouldn't try to represent christians. they just make them look so bad.
things my girlfriend and i have argued about
have i linked this here before? i've been doing this too long. i know i've seen it before, and when i was typing up the name i was hit by deja vu. anyway, it's worth linking again.
"Don't mail me and make fun of me because I am a robot."
(from shlippy)
this isn't the normal type of thing i post here, but it cracked me up. i don't know who wrote it.
October 3
Spoke with Camus today about my cookbook. Though he has never actually
eaten, he gave me much encouragement. I rushed home immediately to begin
work. How excited I am! I have begun my formula for a Denver omelet.
October 4
Still working on the omelet. There have been stumbling blocks. I keep
creating omelets one after another, like soldiers marching into the sea,
but each one seems empty, hollow, like stone. I want to create an omelet
that expresses the meaninglessness of existence, and instead they taste
like cheese. I look at them on the plate, but they do not look back.
Tried eating them with the lights off. It did not help. Malraux
suggested paprika.
October 6
I have realized that the traditional omelet form (eggs and cheese) is
bourgeois. Today I tried making one out of cigarette, some coffee, and
four tiny stones. I fed it to Malraux, who puked. I am encouraged, but
my journey is still long.
October 10
I find myself trying ever more radical interpretations of traditional
dishes, in an effort to somehow express the void I feel so acutely.
Today I tried this recipe:
Tuna Casserole
Ingredients: 1 large casserole dish
Place the casserole dish in a cold oven. Place a chair facing the oven
and sit in it forever. Think about how hungry you are. When night falls,
do not turn on the light.
While a void is expressed in this recipe, I am struck by its
inapplicability to the bourgeois lifestyle. How can the eater recognize
that the food denied him is a tuna casserole and not some other dish? I
am becoming more and more frustated.
October 25
I have been forced to abandon the project of producing an entire
cookbook. Rather, I now seek a single recipe which will, by itself,
embody the plight of man in a world ruled by an unfeeling God, as well
as providing the eater with at least one ingredient from each of the
four basic food groups. To this end, I purchased six hundred pounds of
foodstuffs from the corner grocery and locked myself in the kitchen,
refusing to admit anyone. After several weeks of work, I produced a
recipe calling for two eggs, half a cup of flour, four tons of beef, and
a leek. While this is a start, I am afraid I still have much work ahead.
November 15
Today I made a Black Forest cake out of five pounds of cherries and a
live beaver, challenging the very definition of the word cake. I was
very pleased. Malraux said he admired it greatly, but could not stay for
dessert. Still, I feel that this may be my most profound achievement
yet, and have resolved to enter it in the Betty Crocker Bake-Off.
November 30
Today was the day of the Bake-Off. Alas, things did not go as I had
hoped. During the judging, the beaver became agitated and bit Betty
Crocker on the wrist. The beaver's powerful jaws are capable of felling
blue spruce in less than ten minutes and proved, needless to say, more
than a match for the tender limbs of America's favorite homemaker. I
only got third place. Moreover, I am now the subject of a rather nasty
lawsuit.
December 1
I have been gaining twenty-five pounds a week for two months, and I am
now experiencing light tides. It is stupid to be so fat. My pain and
ultimate solitude are still as authentic as they were when I was thin,
but seem to impress girls far less. From now on, I will live on
cigarettes and black coffee.
baaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrum-bidibumbumbumbrrrrrrrmmmmmmmmbaaaarrrr
candy guns
a great way to teach a child gun safety!
pez gun 1 pez gun 2 pez gun 3 pez gun 4
the tomato nation take on a.i.
grow your own pieapple
judging from this it's really easy. i know my mom use to. i'm not sure i thought it would be hard.
(from here)
coffee crisp petition
some people have way too much time on their hands.
allrecipes.com
i love this site. i can always find what i want, even if i have to sift through a lot of junk first.
more 'living dolls'
i still find this frightening.
damn this is funny
ok, if someone did this to me i'd be pissed off. it was mean, but still... how can you not laugh? what exactly are the 'damages' in this case? it's not like they took her money, or prevented her from making any.
(from fark)
after i lost the link i did a search for the penistretcher site. i found this. i'm not sure what to say. someone needs to send an anatomy book to the pleasure master/pocket mouth people.
this thing will not give you that dick. but i think you guessed that. oh, and that boy changes colour.
the best out of all of them, is this. i really don't get the point.
so, um, you can forget i looked at all that now.
i really wouldn't know, but this looks painful.
bet your day seems a lot better now.
how to dance to classic canadian music
(sort of found here)
this is pretty damn frightening.
i should probably like this, but it makes me ill that walmart.com is selling eric's trip cds
my life as nat
sean from tangmonkey becomes natalie imbruglia.
oh my
hard to believe it's not a joke.
my horrible epinions
i needed to write something other than diary entries, so i started doing this. so far, i suck at it. please don't hit me for being mean to the 6ths.
the streetparty pita
autumn wanted me to put this here. if you have any fun kid links send them to me, so i can add them.
weaving loops!
and here is how you use them.
oh my.
i was thinking about what things were popular when i was a kid that i hadn't seen online. then i remembered making all these horrible neon bracelets and things out of fabric loops. they were the kind you used to make potholders on the stupid little plastic looms. the ones that looked like the boards we had in grade school, to learn geometry.
anyway, everyone in my school had these stupid things, and we would make these huge chains with them. you just sort of linked them by weaving them between your fingers. we made jump ropes out of them. we made belts out of them. we made keychains out of them. i begged my mother to buy me a bag of them, but she refused to pay the insane price they were mareked up to, after they got popular.
it took me forever to find anything on them, since i didn't know what to call them. but there they are. you can all point and laugh at me now.
these people understand why i'm cold.
do you think it's wrong to give children soda pop at school?
this might be the answer.
this is what hell sounds like. this is what it looks like.
can someone please fire that principal?
this would be funny, if it were not for the fact that adults actualy believe this stuff. grown people, who should have working brains say "It devalues a person. You don't throw things at people" about a game.
what can you get in a bag of fritos?
a bloody band-aid, bullet casings, ibuprofen, gasoline, cleaning fluid, roaches, rodents, and wasps. that's what.
i'm messing with the layout, sorry if things look wrong for the next hour or so.
clone your bone
a very long time ago josef pointed this out as a link i could add. it got lost in bookmarks and i forgot about it until now. make sure to read the stories section.
what the hell?
it's the stickeybaby. yeah.
cnnfn on independent record labels
yum
i'll be making my rice crispy squares myself.
joey ramone died.
he was 49.
of course i should show you some for easter. i sort of like these. i would love to fill a friend's back yard with a ton of these things. the gators frighten me.
in ottawa there was a rash of lawn ornament napping! sadly, no one has stolen the wooden cut outs on that front lawn on holmwood. everyone did get to see stumpgirl poster though, and that was pretty neat. we also got this site out of it.
they may have been doing good work, since we never know when our lawn gnomes may turn evil and come alive.
is you lawn looking a bit boring?
you could plant some flowers, or you could stick one of these ugly pieces of crap on it.
more people abusing the power of flash
oh my
it's david bowie's "area"
liquid lysol as a feminine hygiene product
another ad.
wow
i know i just linked to the full institute of official cheer page a little while ago, but this was too hard to pass up. take a look at these:
now that is some wallpaper!
mommy, the flowers are after me.
even the lamp
pixyland
i will never look at peter pan the same way again. eep.
soulxchange
buy, sell or trade a soul.
fark.com
i've been finding a lot of neat stuff here. instead of stealing a good half of their links i decided to just link to them.
ugly
here is that new ten dollar bill i was talking about. it looks better in this picture then it does it real life. as you can see, they are going to change the rest of the bills soon, so in the next year all of our money should be looking way too colourfull. go to the series section to see some old money.
how well can you spell?
i got 11 out of 16. much better then expected.
science fair project booted
an 8 year old girl did her science project on racial preference and her principal threw it out after in had been on display for an hour. i do understand why they pulled it, i just wish they had thought of a better way to go about things. i hope someone has talked to the girl's class about what the results mean, instead of just forgetting all about it. i'm amazed that an eight year old would think up a project like that (if it wasn't a parent) and she gets the credit she deserves.
(found at fresh hell)
canadian free stuff.
the page isn't all that interesting, unless you are canadian and really want some free crap. what you must go for is the jingle. go listen.
jesus christ superstore
"putting the fun back into fundamentalism and the laughter into sectarian slaughter"
i want some action figures.
more spam
this guy won a spam carving contest. i didn't even know they had spam carving contests.
no more spam links. i promise.
buy spam clothes
they even have spam beach flipflops so you can do free advertising in the sand.
spam
more stuff then you could ever want to know about spam. a lot of the off site links are now dead but this site still tells you more about spam than i ever could.
hello kitty
another hello kitty item that i forgot to add sooner. i understand the toasters, i understand the brushes and the wallets, i don't really understand the car, but still, there must be a market for it. this i do not understand. who would want a hello kitty douche?
asciiboner
people have too much time on their hands.
the picture at the top should be working once again.
instructions for mummifying your small pet
no, really.
breastfeeding doll
i'm sort of happy i never had this doll. my sister and i would have been hiding things inside her and soon mariana would be giving birth to my little ponies and stuff.
i think people underestimate the intelligence and creativity of little kids. i had dolls and fake baby bottles. i still knew that babies were breastfed. i have grown up to believe that breatfeeding is a much better choice. maybe it's from having a younger sister? anyway, they talk about kids who "until now had no option but to play with bottle-feeding dolls." yeah, if they were too stupid to hold the baby doll against the mommy dolls breast, or their own chest. you don't need to spend $22 on a doll to teach about birth and breatfeeding. they have books for this sort of stuff at the library.
a women's guide on how to pee while standing up.
bridget was linked to this while we were talking. i'm not sure why a women would want to pee while standing up, i don't mind sitting and when you can't do that squatting is an option. still, i had to read this whole thing. i can now say that i can pee while standing up. sort of. not really.
argentinian money
they have some of the ugliest money ever. even worse than the new canadian ten dollar bill.
the institute of official cheer
this place has got loads of fun stuff to look through. i've linked to the gallery of regrettable food before, but i never checked out the rest of the site.
etch-a-sketch art.
this is insane. my artistic skills are limited, to say the least, so i'm not the best one to talk about this. still, can anyone out there draw something good on an etch-a-sketch? i can draw boxes and stairs. stairs that are all different sizes.
this guy is also well known for his drawings, and this kid draws his favorite athletes.
...um...
i don't know what to say.
the fall
more
stuff about fallen angels. i started to say more but it became a rant.
a japanese rapping kinder suprise egg
this is a comercial and it will open realplayer. sorry about that.
it's about time that i add some more links.
the phobia list is just what it sounds like. it looks somewhat boring at first but when you start finding stuff like "Octophobia - Fear of the figure 8" it's hard not to start looking for the strangest fear you can find. thanks to ed for the link.
"If you live to be a hundred, I want to live to
be a hundred minus one day, so I never have to live
without you."
--- Winnie the Pooh
